ways to be a politically correct asshole.

as u know kite org melayu ni penuh dengan tatatertib ketimuran kan. membesar dgn pantang larang gn adat sume teaches us how to respect the elders and love the younger. tipulah klu korang xde yg amalkan tatacara hidup sopan kan. *kejadah la tatacara* klu ko xsopan pon in real life at least mesti la buat2 sopan bile balik kampung kan. at least klu lalu depan org tua tu mesti la mcm nk "ehem2, tumpang lalu ye mokcikkk..." then tunduk siket tanda hormat ye dak? org tua2 kata reason kite kene tunduk time jalan tu cz xnk kite langgar batang idong dorang camtu. aku pon tataw mane logiknye kite boleh terlanggar hidung dorang tu. salu aku jalan pon muat lagi nk letak lemari kt space antara aku gn idung die tu, lainlah klu idung die mancung mcam pinocchio. xpon ko saje jalan rapat gile sampaikan terpijak lutut die pastu terlanggar batang hidung die plak. mcm impossible. tapi..wallahualambissawab.

tapi taktaw la klu ade yg family korang yang jenis xkisah pon sume adat2 ni. like u can simply say "hey bapak, aku benci kau" to ur father bile bapak kau taknak belikan kau ps2 and get away with it coz ur father would just say like "oh anakku, daku mntk maaf. " kira ni stok2 omputeh la ni parents salah siket je die dah dok "damnn.. i hate u dad!!!" pastu keluar rumah hentak pintu kuat2 pegi mall dgn geng2 emo die pierce bibir, dagu dgn kening segala nk tunjuk ko rebel kat bapak kau sbb xdapat ps2 punye pasal. lantak ko lah nak.

so sbb tu la org melayu punye sopan ni kdg2 die punye ckp ni lagi lembut lagi lidah. like when u wanna say something offensive u wont say it directly, ko ckp lapik punye lapik punye lapik so that org tu xterasa dgn ape yg ko ckp but at the same time die dpt msg utama yg ko nk sampaikan tu. itulah yg dinamakan sindiran. so in this topic i'd like to guide you on how to be a politically correct assholes. so die mcm buat org yg ko sindir tu serba salah nk maki kau ke nk rasa malu dgn diri sndiri. mcm " hahahaha...yekee." cis. sialpalis benar mulut anda..getus beliau dlm hati kecilnye . but pls do this dekat org2 yg lebih kurang umur dgn kite je ye sbb klu ko buat kt org yg lebih tua aku xjamin die segan dgn diri sndiri. malahan die xsegan silu nk bg penampor kat pipi kau.

1. Si housemate pemalas yang xghoti buat keje rumah

kau ade hosmet jenis pemalas basuh pinggan, yang main letak je sume dalam singki buat2 xtaw beza tu sinki ke dishwasher, ko dtg sbelah die buat2 ala bizi mesra kat dapor borak gn die. then ko ckp kat die.

"awak ni jarang2 basuh pnggan, mesti kulit tgn awak lembut je kan. untung lah..pasti suami sayang."

then buat muka ala2 sedih konon2 die adalah manusia paling beruntung dikurniakan kulit tgn selembut sutera. and kau sgt malang dapat kulit tgn kasar sbb dok jd maid basuh pinggan die je hari2.

2. Si pengguna yg rajin buat barang orang jadi hakmilik terpelihara die.

time die bersiap2 nk keluar pakai baju yg ko macam kenal penah jadi hakmilik kau, kau cepat2 keluar bilik buat2 tgh tengok die bersiap beserta muka penuh admiration sambil cakap

"baju saya ni mmg sesuai betul dgn badan n warna kulit awak, patut la awk suke sgt pakai"

sambil betul2 kan baju die tanda kekaguman kau pada kecantikan die yg tak terhingga.

3. Si penghutang2 yg liat bayar

kau pegi kedai makan ke mane2 kedai dgn die. then time nk gi kaunter nk bayar tu kau buat2 gelabah tetek raba2 poket seluar cari wallet ke purse ko. bile si die tanya ko cakap.

"kau ade duit x? aku nk pinjam jap. nk tlg bayar hutang kau kat aku tahun lepas."

pastu sengihlah ala2 kerang busuk tanda ko sedar yg ko telah berhasil buat lawak yg gagal menggelikan hati nurani beliau.

sengihan penuh bermakna

4. Si pengecek tegar.

ni jenis org yg pantang ko pegang makanan without fail die akn dtg mntk makanan ko. xdpt sesuap secubit poon jadik. pekata next time die dtg nk mntk mknn, ko keluarkan sume stok makanan yg ko ade. make sure smpi melimpah2 makann ko kuakan tu then ko pelawa die makan,.

"jemput2 makan lagi. tambah2 jgn lupe baca bismillah. bukan sng nk dapat rezeki lari2 bergolek kat kau camni. syukur alhamdulillah...."

sambil tadah tangan ke atas tanda bersyukur. klu die xpaham bahasa, ko tlg tapaukan sume mknan dlm beg die smpai almari mknn ko kosong then ko bgtahu la ...

" nasib ade kau. klu x mmg xtahu mane nk 'buang' mknn aku bnyk2 yg mak aku ssh2 pos dari jauh ni"

so, if any of these failed nak sedarkan die, then u have every right to sound die direct. org macam ni mmg xmakan saman. kau kene bagi die berdas2 baru die sedar diri. so, selamat mencuba.

p/s: aku xjamin persahabatan korang kekal ke akhir hayat dah pasni. pandai2 korang lah nk idop klu kawan korang tu tglkn ko.

branded stuff

i was browsing through a picture tagged by a friend of mine on facebook. it was a handful collection of replica watches of which grade im not sure. if im not mistaken it was from Inda Bain Shoppe something like that. they sell designer's stuff at a rock bottom price and got a discount also, buy 2 items and they rounded it to rm100. they got Guess, Gucci, Chanel and Tag hueier included in their collection. its really a bargain though. but im not here to promote their products and i didn't earn a penny from the above statement, so u can continue reading this. also no nuffnang attached below this post.

i always had a thing for branded stuff when i was still having the teen angst back then. since we were not allowed to wear an avant garde attire in school other than a plain white and blue kurung uniform, the choices for wearing cool branded stuff to school and become the trendsetter was very limited, not to say that i was one back then coz i wasnt. so basically the bags and shoes that you wore were the first thing they used to look at as a yardstick to categorize you into different strata in school. say if you wore branded bags or shoes as in converse *yes they were very popular back then* or a fancy Roxy bag then you are one hella cool fellas. but if u were seen hitching a Swan or Bata bag here and there then you will fall into the kind of people with IQ exceeding their weight. get what i mean? no? congratulations u just became one. LOL

my parents did not practise spoil-the-child-with-lotsa-money type of parenting and earning my very own pocket money is what i did everytime i needed what i want. i did not work nor take a part time job for that but i always had to save the money given by them for the things that i want and buying branded stuff for me needs a lot more than just determination. in the end it felt good as it has taught me the real meaning of satisfaction and self actualization*wtf?* for being able to starve just to have a cool sneakers as my school shoes.

i remember having to incur around rm 200 for a leather Jack Purcell shoes that i wore for merely 2 months as i was obliged to wear a black shoes after moving to a boarding school. it was a total waste and i still have it in my shoe rack which i planned to give it to my lil bro. i also did spend so much on bags, socks and other unnecessary things which were ridiculously overpriced. i realized now that a school age girl should not spend too much or be conscious about how they look just to be like others. i admit that i was one of the victim of mass media advertorials and the product of world's materialism.

the very cause of my bankruptcy

but im glad that i had pass my teen age and learnt from that mistake. i am no longer a person who sees the brand tag as a primary reason for me to buy things neither the one who grabs branded stuff blatantly. i'd rather buy a cheap one who meets my criterion perfectly than having a designer clothing that looks ridiculous on me. and i do not need a designer dress that would costs me my 10-months allowance which i obviously wear once or twice with nobody had any idea about it. im pretty sure some will think that its not about showing it off to other people but more to your ultimate satisfaction for being able to buy and have it on your body but believe me its a total bullshit if u said u dont want other people to know that u are wearing designer's collection after spending almost 10k dollars on it coz im pretty sure even the film stars would want them to be recognized. i have seen my friend bought 400bucks dorothy perkin dress which i think i can get the same damn thing for Rm49.90 at most minus the brand tag. it was so simple and i swear it did look like a maternal wear to me. seriously not a value for money.

i've also learnt how to prioritize my money by not spending it so much on unnecessary things. i am no longer tempted to buy a gadget just because it is the in thing and everyone has it in their pocket. its practicality is what matters to me and now i am surprised to see how it has got me thinking from months to years just to buy a phone with endless list of pros and cons comparing one another i'd made. and now i have successfully become one choosy bitch.

some people really go to the extent of having a branded replica even with hideous designs just to feel good about themselves. i would rather go unnoticed if i were to have a replica stuff with me. frankly speaking, i really have prada and chanel replica handbag with me which i bought 2years back because i was so stupid to fall into their lucrative "branded stuff for sale" tagline held annually at a very convincing place. i should have known that nobody sells Prada handbag for MYR 300 except for a fake one. see i can be fooled easily when u put that "sale" signboard on. i don't wanna be like the MLM arseholes who claimed to have the latest BMW models posing next to a bunch of money scattered on their bed when they obviously have a lot of pending bills to pay. u knew it very well its a borrowed car unless u settled all the bank loan u've made.

for me if you are great in whatever you do and possess that outstanding charisma you don't need branded stuff to enhance your look of feel good about yourself. i believe that the most stylish person is always the one who managed to walk with confidence on anything they put on.


p/s: think i sounded like a person trying to write personal statements for executive job resume. did i?

Read my lips : READ

i cant help to adore people who can actually finishes at least 500++ pages of any kind of books coz i know i can never finish that even in their best longest time. being a bookworm really is just not me. i took days to finish one page and am not kidding ya' all nor trying to exaggerate it. i get distracted easily especially reading something with no interesting colorful pictures and loads loads loads of history.

so when people can't keep their eyes from what they read when everybody was busy talking among themselves over their shoulder i think they really are superhuman. no im not talking about those who reads with their ears plugged by ipod, im talking bout this human species with impending extinction who seems to live in their own world when they started to read. seriously shit they still exist and i met their kind once when i was in MRSM Muar back then. no wonder he was the top scorer for our school.

i cant remember the last time when i really enjoy indulging myself with books. clearly i was not born with this laziness so u obviously cant blame my genes. i used to be so readerholic that i read almost everything that ever crossed my eyes be it labels, signboards, your name tag, and even gibberish excerpts i found in the garbage bin. sometimes i even have to close my eyes thinking that my obsession towards textual matter is inevitable. damn, never knew my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder starts that young.

i reckon my brain is just being tired and sick of all the words right now that it has started to shut down some of his faculty. besides having an attention deficit disorder i have also started to notice myself having short term amnesia and that sucks big time especially when i needed it the most since i love getting myself lost in almost all the places i went.

ok sincerely i haven't finish reading even quarter of the book i bought last two weeks. and i dunno why the fish did i buy that book when last year's book is still on my bookshelf laying helplessly untouched.

BUT, lately i kinda proud of myself coz i had successfully finish reading almost all Dan Brown's book borrowed from my friend. i dunno how that happens and i found it miraculous.


and...
and...
and...


and these are the reason why i BORROWED your book and never bought it myself dear friend. I hope i made myself clear. sumpah saya bukan kedekut.

HAHAHA

A tribute to P. Ramlee

emak : mat, ekau abes blaja nanti nk buat ape? pi la cari keje sane. dok ngabehkan boraih yo.

mat : mat igt nk pindah kolumpo la mak try ujibakat yg cari bintang pelem tu. ade rezeki boleh jadi pemes ganti Allayrham P. ramlee tu. hebat eh die tu mak, serba serbi boleh.

so peeps, do you familiar with this kind of dialog? well i think almost all 80's or 90's malay film will sort of have this conversation in their hero's script. majority of them will want to migrate to the town to try the luck with their talent and this is put forth just to show u guys how hard the oldfags artist works just to be in the entertainment field and mind u that their talents were no match to most artist's we have right now. the former are still be remembered till this very moment albeit they no longer exist in this world.

if we were to compare them with current situation, its far more easier for the newfags to gain their entry to this entertainment world. they don't need to leave their homeland to join an audition since the organizer will make a tour to every city to search for the new talent. and if they are lucky enough then they might have to leave their kampong to be in an academy mengecap kejayaan yg tak berapa hangat, walhal hangat tahi ayam di kampongnye adalah lebih memberansangkan. big thanks to AF, Mystarz LG, Mentor, OIAM and whatnot.

i remember back then when i was an innocent pretty little girl i adore Allahyarham Tan Sri P Ramlee so much that i repeatedly watched his films and movies produced by him. he really had a great sense of humor that even you have heard he cracked the same damn joke for the umpteenth times you can still laugh your ass off at it. it holds true for some otai-otai lama yg obviously enjoying A.R Tompel's uneven teeth way much than watching Cecupak's lame ass.

god bless him

today's proclaimed entertainers are seen not because of their insignificant talent but rather their gay looks, fasha-jejai like controversies and to some extent their decent family background like Mawi the "world". for fuck sake their families pon leh jd public figure. not to mention the failed one yg melukut di tepi gantang mcm Syura, Zarina Ann julie, and artis mee segera zahid, zarina *just to name few sbb gua mmg xlayan AF* yang belom pon mati lagi org dh start lupe2 tengik mereka itu artis.

He (Allahyarham) on the other hand was not just a great comedian but also a hell of a singer, musician, actor and dancer. *ok dancer tu tipu* he was so damn good at acting that i used to let my precious one in a million teardrop fall while watching "ibu mertuaku" . HAHA. well at least it was sad enough for a 9 year- old girl to shed her tears. forgiven ar gua perempuan hati lembut bai.kakaka.

while artis skrg plak jgn nak kata depa ni multitalented, nyanyi lagu twinkle2 little star pon sumbang lagi tp dh try dunia lakonan plak. but its ok. they might as well cater enough supply for prof abdul razak mohaideen in his next "Anak Mami the Movies 3456 " sequel. in fact, seeing them acting stiffer than Optimus Prime is indeed a tear inducer for me. and i think Lisa Suriani was pretty talented at that . HAHA *sorry Lisa lovers* well that explains why i'd never waste my MYR 8 for malay movies in cinema these days unless proven worthwhile.

ps : kantoi gua suke baca gossip artis. HAHAHA.

apa ada pada nama.

ok so this is my first entry ever. The first time i had a blog was like 4 years back and that time friendster's blog was the coolest among all. and then after that i've failed miserably dlm arena dunia blog sbb i had several blogs yg left unattended xtulis satu entry haramjadah pon. pastu lupe password n then i started to make a new one and then lupe balik. itu lah capability yg bakal anda dapat if u consumed too much semut dlm mknn anda. HAHAHAHA.

tetttttt.......................

so i was just having some random thought about a name. about why some people fancy names so much that they tend to name their child dgn nama yg pelik2..apa ada pada nama?mari kita sama2 saksikan.

the closest example u can find mestila the artis kan yg suke bg nama anak derang nama yg gempak2 ni. haruslah gempak sbb kata kau glamor mestila nama anak paling kurang pon 3 muka surat. ok ezajerret la plak ko ni nyah. yelah mcm name tu klu lagi panjang n lagi french fries bunyi die lagi sedap la konon eventho it makes no sense at all. and of all names, initial name yg famous mesti at least ade tenku ke putri ke pastu ko tambah la suku kata "sya" "arsh" "eshc" or ape2 la kt tgh2 name yg ko pilih yg klu skali bace boleh cramp lidah barang seminggu dua. pastu buat dlm 3 patah campor gn initial tu td. voila! siaplah nama yg vouge sejajar dgn wawasan doplohpatpablas ni.

ape?xbleh imagine? xpe2 jgn buat2 gelabah badut.meh aku bg example sket :

a) tengku arashi azyleya

b) putri syarazeana eliyean

c) merissa eshcteria coli

ok yg 3rd tu aku tibai nma bacteria kt air kencing so jgn la g percaya bulat2 plak yek. ;P

so bleh paham x apsal nk kene bg nama complicated cenggini. like watfedak kan theres no need la letak nama camni. just for the sake nk bg anak die cam stand out time skola nnt nak2 time cikgu nk amek attendance sanggup ko buat name tounge twister camni kn.

klu kite tgk balik org dulu punyelah simple bile bg nama kt ank dorang ni. paling simple yg we came across is nama hari. cube cari nama org2 dulu dari isnin (senin klu yg stok jawa) smpi jumaat (jem'at) mesti confirm ade name atuk2 or bapak org ni yg camni. sabtu pon common gak taw cume ahad aku xsure la plak. pastu dh abes2 gune hari nk bg nama kite bg nama bulan pulak. tp bukan februari or disember. tp bulan kalendar islam..ramadhan ke syawal, rejab. xckup nama bulan kite letak la nama event plak kot2 la ko lahir time tu tgh syawal haa letak la nama aidil fitri. haaaaa kan senang tu nk igt. tp kak klu time deepavalli plak camne? haa lu pikirla sndiri.

tp maybe org dulu letak nama simple2 ni bkn sbb dorang xnk glamor ke ape. maybe sbb time tu org pon cam xramai sgt yg pndai menulis or membaca kan. so klu bg nama pnjang2, elok2 sedap name anak org tu kuar je kat surat branak ke laut plak bunyinye. xpon teori paling mudah nk jimat dakwat. bkn ko sorang je nk buat surat beranak taw org len pon beratur kat blakang tu k.

sbb ape aku ckp camni? sbb mende ni mmg jadi kt aunty aku masa tahun 1950-an dulu.

well name yg nenek aku cadang tu xdela fancy sgt but ok la kan untuk zaman2 dorang.

cadang nk letak siti zubaidah binti saimon. tup2 yg kuar kt surat branak die mase tu "BEDAH" . hambik ko!simple short and sweet mcm gampang je bunyinye. xcommercial langsung k.agak2 ar nk jimat ink pon kak. ceh.

tetttttt...........

aku dh pikir2 gak nk letak nma anak aku ape pas kawen nnt.

klu pompuan kite letak la "timah" ke.

kot yg laki tu bleh letak "bijih"

klu yg kuar tu khunsa bleh bg "bijih timah" trus.

HAHAHA..OK MULUT CABUL. nauzubillah min zalik. mintak dijauhkan.