you've just been bitch slapped! you are now officially my bitch. welcome to the B world.

Friday, November 19, 2010

zaman sekolah part 2

continue from last post.

ok so sebenarnye i really dunno what happened to cendawan's baju. i just hope she got the message that we were all raging over her hostile attitude. i know that i looked mean enough for treating a decent looking woman like her that way but believe me back then everybody agreed with me unanimously that her attitude and appearance don't walk hand in hand. so that makes me a little less guilty for what i've done.

2. the makcik dewan selera (DS)

i dunno why i always had a bad history with them and establishing a good rapport with them makciks is undeniably my greatest failure . it goes without saying that when u have a good relationship with somebody you'll be the one who get the most benefit out of it. and i always have to be the unlucky one who will never get the excess food into my tummy since all of it will go to the prefect2 dan konco konconya yg mmg baek dgn makcik DS.

therefore in order to make my stomach a happy sac, one more time i have to be a little brainy. DS kitorang salunye mlm2 xlock just die rapatkan pintu je so the seniors had the idea of stealing the food from the DS while the makcik were soundly asleep and asked us to join them. not a great idea though sbb mlm2 there's not much food to munch except the fruits they have left outside for tomorrow's lunch, but ok la kan its better than nothing. that time klu igt balik memang dh mcm beruk2 buas pon ade since we had to climb onto the counter in order to get ourselves into the kitchen and pass the fruits among us out of it. most of the time buah yg ade just pisang and tembikai je and if we're lucky enough we'd get apples or honeydews as habuan. u are allowed to imagine yourself looking at a signboard reading "apes at work" to have a better picture on how we had it all done back then.

but siapa tahu perut xpenah kenal erti malam or siang klu nk lapar. yg die tau die senang hati mknan sentiasa ade, especially during tea time whereas most of the time a piece of pisang goreng or karipap with teh O weren't much of a help to a tummy like mine. sbb lapar punye pasal, kitorang pon terpaksa guna idea jahanam semata mata nk dapatkn extra 2 pieces of karipap or pisang goreng even under makcik DS's supervision.

so tgh2 makcik endon tu sibuk discuss pasal nk balik batam cuti sekolah akn datang, my friend si ayu pon senyap2 curi the kuih from the counter while i took the role being the onlooker giving her signs when to make her move.

pelan projek kami

1st attempt : successful

so there u go, one karipap went into her mouth.

2nd attempt : successful

and another one went into mine

on 3rd attempt

while we were laughing our ass off on how easily we owned the makciks by our simple trick, we heard a very familiar voice

"woit si pencurikkkk!! kau buat apaaaa haa???aku bilang sama warddennya nnt. aku kenal sama muka kau yg tompok2 tu. awas kau yaa!!"


aku dgn ayu punye lari mmg dh xcukup tanah dh time tu. cuak gak kalau makcik tu tetibe baling senduk ke periuk ke kat kepala kitorang. kene panggil dgn warden belakang kira yg penting kene selamatkan diri dari lembu yg tgh mengamuk tu dulu ok.

tapi few days later after that incident sebenarnye xde plak ktrg kene panggil dgn warden ke ape. maybe die mls nak layan pencurik xprofessional mcm kitorang ni. stakat berjaya curi 4 karipap ape la sangat. klu jual baru dapat rm1.50. nk beli spender giant selai pon xlepas.

moral of the story:

never ever let a person with obvious identification mark(s) be your partner in crime. it was my mistake for choosing ayu with her pox-scarred face as my accomplice. next time u wanna do it, think of this fatal consequences. you surely don't wanna end up waking up on a hospital bed.

to be continued...

Saturday, November 13, 2010

zaman sekolah part 1

so far what is the most unforgettable memory u all has had that even when your Alzheimer's strikes it'd fail to erase it.mine are the memories that i had during my primary school. sbb time ni org kata baru nk naik n this is the crucial time where ppl say that u are in search of your true identity, try to build your own circle of friends and whatnot.

ok, masa primary school dulu aku skolah kt skolah perempuan di jb. being in girls school was the best experience i've ever had. i can be categorized as those lunatics yg mmg susah nk duduk diam2 kat skolah follow the rules. life was so easy back then for a lower form students like me. i didnt know what love is, never bothered to struggle in exams, stayed in hostel which means far away from my overprotected daddy. so i was pretty much a person with no problems at all. and that really triggered my mind to get a little bit creative with the person who messed with this bitch. haha. so kat sini aku nk enlistkan antara enemy2 aku kt hostel yg pernah diperdajalkn oleh diri ini suatu masa dulu. ENJOY..

let us start with orang2 tua dulu ok.

1. the warden

the warden was my prime enemy because she's always the one that can never let me have my ultimate freedom bilamana aku tgh stress. i've been fried under the sun coz i always late for school, dihambat from my room sbb tido time prep yada yada yada. haha but i dun mind really coz i knw the mistakes i made were non-negotiable ones.

but then i was really mad when one fine day she rampas my soflan-washed jemuran for days just because i hung it dekat dawai2 divider asrama tu. u know peeps, duduk asrama mmg fenomena biasa bile ampai bertali penuh all the time especially time weekend. so i had no other choice except from hanging it there but then bile aku balik petang after class i saw my baju2 gantung sume dh xde. when i asked everyone, the prefects told me that cendawan* dh rampas baju bdk2 yg gantung kat dawai tu. wtf? so i knocked her door from minutes to hours but nobody answered. next day still the same xde org bkk gak. 3rd day shes still messing with me untill 4th day she gave us our clothes.

that time mmg dh agak berapi sbb baju dh abes busuk and all coz xkering n then campur dgn baju tah sape2 lagi smpi mine siap bertahi lalat. euwwwww, i geli ok u olls. dah la aku ketuk pintu ko buat pekak je. pastu ko nk kenekan denda lagi satu helai baju bayar singgit. klu spenda gn bra dapat diskaun xpela kepala time tu dh start simpan dendam kesumat nk show her la konon2 i rule this place. hahaha.

org kata darah dibalas darah, so baju dibalas baju la fo sho . fyi, cendawan selalu sidai baju2 die kat luar pintu. jadi, inilah masanyaaa.. so me with the crew pon start la bancuh air dan watercolor yg beraneka warna. pastu ktrg buat air watercolor tadi tu mcm soflan rendam kn baju die then sidai balik. sekali tgk mmg macam turun kaler pon ade. dua kali tgk korang boleh nmpk muka aku tgh buat evil smile kat atas baju die. ngahahaha.. isokay, baju ko jadi kaler lain je cendawan, xbusuk n bertahi lalat pon kan. tu sbb aku kesian sket kat kau. klu aku kejam aku dh gune sewage water je buat jadi soflan.

oo lagi satu, cendawan dan rakan2nye mmg baek hati dan bijak bistari letak kasut2 high heels dieorang kat luar. n then kawan2 aku yg bijak2 biawak ni pon buat2 lah kasut die mcm kasut keluarga angkat siap guna pakai gi outing. aku xpakai sbb jiwa rock sejati masih menebal tatkala itu. LOL . then the next monday ktrg kene sound dgn pengetua kat assembly sbb kami mmg dilarang sama sekali melawa klu keluar outing, kene pakai kasut hitam flat je. eleh takut kitorang lagi cantik dari die la tu. haha.

footnote :

kenapa cendawan? kenapa bukan keropok.

ade nmpk pape yg same x?hahaha..
ok,jgn salahkan aku, salahkn kawan aku yg bagi nama kat warden tu. aku xtaw pape. so nk mintak maap awal2, peace. hehe

oo ape jadik kat baju cendawan tu eh? nantikan sambungannya.. aku dh penat menaip.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Read my lips : READ

i cant help to adore people who can actually finishes at least 500++ pages of any kind of books coz i know i can never finish that even in their best longest time. being a bookworm really is just not me. i took days to finish one page and am not kidding ya' all nor trying to exaggerate it. i get distracted easily especially reading something with no interesting colorful pictures and loads loads loads of history.

so when people can't keep their eyes from what they read when everybody was busy talking among themselves over their shoulder i think they really are superhuman. no im not talking about those who reads with their ears plugged by ipod, im talking bout this human species with impending extinction who seems to live in their own world when they started to read. seriously shit they still exist and i met their kind once when i was in MRSM Muar back then. no wonder he was the top scorer for our school.

i cant remember the last time when i really enjoy indulging myself with books. clearly i was not born with this laziness so u obviously cant blame my genes. i used to be so readerholic that i read almost everything that ever crossed my eyes be it labels, signboards, your name tag, and even gibberish excerpts i found in the garbage bin. sometimes i even have to close my eyes thinking that my obsession towards textual matter is inevitable. damn, never knew my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder starts that young.

i reckon my brain is just being tired and sick of all the words right now that it has started to shut down some of his faculty. besides having an attention deficit disorder i have also started to notice myself having short term amnesia and that sucks big time especially when i needed it the most since i love getting myself lost in almost all the places i went.

ok sincerely i haven't finish reading even quarter of the book i bought last two weeks. and i dunno why the fish did i buy that book when last year's book is still on my bookshelf laying helplessly untouched.

BUT, lately i kinda proud of myself coz i had successfully finish reading almost all Dan Brown's book borrowed from my friend. i dunno how that happens and i found it miraculous.


and these are the reason why i BORROWED your book and never bought it myself dear friend. I hope i made myself clear. sumpah saya bukan kedekut.


Monday, November 8, 2010

annoying stuff u'll find in reunion

dah besar2 mcm ni mmg biasa kite akan dapat invitation for reunion dengan old classmates or schoolmates lama. and salunye plan reunion tu klu xmakan masa berbulan2 memang tak sah sbb sume pon bizi . so kalo jumpe 2org je as long as ex schoolmate pon nk gak ckp mende tu reunion. ok to cut long story short aku nk list down sket perangai2 mereka yg sungguh shitness time2 reunion ni.

The smokers

i ve been a regular secondary smokers since 5 tahun lagi sbb my dad mmg core habitual smokers and dulu2 die mmg suke smoke dalam rumah smpi smua spesis aedes pupus dek hembusan rokok bapakku itu. and my brother pon dh smoke since i was 8 and that pretty much explains y i hate smokers. if u smoke sebatang dua time2 tgh lepak as well as have your senses intact by not puffing the smoke to your friend's face, then i think its tolerable especially after mkn. i totally understand that. tp klu dlm masa berborak 4 jam tu 3 minitt je aku tgk ko bukak mulut xberkuap2 dengan asap that really annoys me to death ok. and lepas tu ko xreti plak nk sembur asap rokok tu kat tmpt lain other than my face, god are u trying to be david copperfield? did u see my broad nose transformed into Jacko's after the smoke disappeared?coz i must say that aint cool at all.

last time aku lepak gn the girlfriends ade one of them mmg core smokers. last time i went to see her she was still struggling with holding the cigarette in a smoker's way and now she smokes like a tranny. lepak with me 3 jam almost habes 2 kotak and she smoked menthol, Marlboro . so i was wondering why wasting so much on menthol when a pack of Dunhill can still gives u the same stoned and deleterious effects? are you a poser?

The phone addicts

these are the types of people who eats with their phone, sleeps with their phone and have a reunion with their freaking phones. u nuts, if u want to come to a reunion and then just sit there sexting your girlfriend might as well just stay in the loo. well at least u can fap your penis out without us having to look at your horny face. whats the point of gathering anyway if u cant keep your phone off for a while. retardo!

The posers

ni adalah the major group that constitutes the annoying ppl in reunion and the most repugnant of all. they can be so expressive and subtle at times and thus a very skillful mind is required to detect them. the expressive type can be such as:

"korang nk tgk i phone 4 aku baru beli smlm kat pasar siti khadijah tak?

sambil keluarkn iphone 4 dari pocket sluar belah kiri jeans.

"serious cool weh die punye features boley track bape bnyk daun kari ade kat selonggok sayur makcik tu jual! that's tripple osem!"

this type of ppl ssh nk cari skg sbb ini mcm obvious giler ko nk brag dgn tepon baru kau. only 10-yo minded ppl je yg still practising the same lame trick.

the subtle type:

"teettt tetttt"

bunyi msg masuk. lepas reply msg die letak je phone atas meja xmasuk dlm pocket trus tunggu org tegur enpong die. then aku pon start pancing gn ayat manis

"wahh hp baru sial. iphone 4 lagi. mane lu angkat ni?kaya dow ko skg.."

si dia menjawab

" hehe biasa je bro.. aku angkat hp ni sbb BB bold aku dh rosak. aku igt nk angkat BB torch haritu tp mcm nk tukar selera la plak asek angkat BB je kite terai angkat iphone plak. "

so Einstein, can u retrieve the true meaning this fellah is trying to convey?

The westerners

these people mostly adalah those yg have had a rapid change of lifestyle. dari bertudung bawal ke mini skirt, and from loose boot cut jeans to hot pants. ever seen this kind person? what ? your bestfriend ?

i never failed to cringe everytime i had to have a reunion with this kind of people. u knew them from womb and u have seen much of them evolving themselves into an adult and suddenly when u saw this changes within 2 years span of time u cannot stop shaking your goddam head telling yourself that this is just not her.

imagine 2 years back u heard her saying that she will never sip even 0.00001% alcohol contained beverages and now in her right state of mind she's telling you that even 2 jugs of beer failed to make her drunk. she even admitted to me that she's taking weed on a daily basis now and starts taking craps on how she took it in her "bahasa rempit" that i could not fathom.

i've seen lotsa people avulse themselves from what they used to strongly hold and believed and i cant help to blame the freedom and their lousy mind to choose what's right for them. how much overboard student still retained their tudung while being away from parents? and how much of them still struggling to wear a perfect invisible angel mask everytime they come back to Malaysia? i feel sorry if you are one of them.

truly i have no issues with this kinda people if they keep it low profile. u wanna change yourself to Amy Winehouse and reserve yourself a place in a rehab centre, go ahead i wont bother. but pleaseeee stop irritates me with your stinky breath telling me either consciously or not how much i've been so conservative and obsolete for not having the same lifestyle as yours and how proud u are to be as modernized person as u have become now. will ya?

btw, not having me in your reunion group might be the best decision u've ever made in your life.


your annoyed BFF.

p/s : last post wasn't intentional. i dunno how it became like that and im too lazy to type it all over again into a new post. wish for my healthiness so that i can repost it someday for a readable view ok. have a good day ppl.
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...