jokes that aren't funny

women always love a man with a great sense of humor. that's an unwritten fact i picked somewhere along my way evolving myself into a mature adult woman. i myself would prefer someone funny and fun to be with rather than fucking a seriously serious dude. but BEHOLD and BEWARE guys, not all jokes are considered as funny from a girl's point of view. in addition to your failed attempt tickling her laughing center, u might also get your throat tickled by her feet. and maybe together with a bitch slap or two.

BODY

you can crack any jokes related to her deaf-inducing-laugh or turbo-like fart but trust me u cant do the same to her body figure. worst case scenario, you will get choked by her feet or maybe having her distancing herself for about a week if she's the kind of girl that never get used to merajuk lama2 la. really women are very particular about their body shape. a new fold in front or their abs can really cause a world's health problem to her. and if you are so ignorant to turn that into a joke u'll be a sorry man coz she will never get it.

"hey baby, u dh ade 2 tayar dah kat depan. klu i golekkan u kat bawah ni agak2 boleh x u guling2 macam tenggiling?"

see what i meant?

WEIGHT

weight is the most sacred number in woman's life other than their age. talking about age and body weight, woman usually prefers to keep it secret but if u happen to know these 2 numerical identities, then u must be someone that she trusted most, hence don't ever break it.

"yo ma gf is so fat the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale"

u can try to be a funny ass by cracking a yo' momma joke in front of her if u feel like u have lived enough of your life.

ACNE

normally most women will have one or two eruptions every month due to our cyclical hormonal changes. so fyi gentlemen , acne is not really a teenager's problem coz if u have noticed, pre-menopausal women also faced the same problem. and yes that includes ur momma, your gf's mommah and even the MILFs out there. i do have eruptions every now and then and i admit i hate it when i have to go for a date everytime i have huge pimple(s) on my face. it's because my pimple has a predilection for the center of my forehead and when i talked to people, i felt like they were talking to my pimple rather than to myself. oh maybe my pimple was just trying to be friendly.

anyhow, my point is never ever make a joke out of it. its the "time" of the month and if u happened to have a gf or wife with severe PMS save yourself from getting a tantrum combo. coz everytime my bf tried to be funny like

"can u please put ur headlight on a low beam mode coz i cant stand the glare"

or calling me an ultrawoman for having a full blown reddish acne on my forehead, i was like

"HAHAHA, my god u should go for RAJA LAWAK audition for your incredible sense of humor u know."

and i cant help to feel like banging his head on that steering wheel so he can have that contrecoup effect to reposition his brain.

HERSELF AS A WHOLE

we were born with different features and some woman fell into beautiful category, some in mediocre and some are so-so. but beauty lies in the eye of beholder and my definition of beauty might or might not be the same as yours. u know women felt flattered if u say things like how attractive she is, cute and all and will try as much as they can to make it not obvious to you guys, or tries to deny it sometimes just to make sure you're not trying to be a charmer. but if u say things like

" ur face looked like a moon....LOLOLOLOLOL" or

"hi si dayang senandung~...hihihi....."

like REPEATEDLY hoping that she wont take it personally, u are seriously a terrible joker. u know women still can accept it if u crack it once or twice even if it holds truth in it. but if u have said it for the umpteenth times, even the most beautiful girl would suffer from what we called as insecurity or inferiority complex especially if u are someone who means a world to her.

see guys, women have the most tender heart, no matter how butch she is or how strong she acted in front of u deep inside she still want to be treated with care, love and affection, just like any other fragile woman. it's because women can never acted tough forever. at times she needs someone that she can manja with, talked to for hours to meet her biological needs, yes the fucking hormones. keep this little advice at the back of ur head so the next time u wanna try to be like Russle brand, u have this guide with u. for the time being, go polish ur flirting skill and upgrade your lame pick-up line coz acting monkey doesn't always work all the time.