how to be a FB star?

hey guys.. so how long i've been ignoring my blog here? one week or two?

last time i remember talking a bit about instant celebrity in my tribute to p. ramlee post. well now i think that i would like to give away some tips on how to be a FB star without having to undergo the audition phase.

Prerequisite

first of all, before you do anything, think like a star. but don't get too carried away. you are yet to be a FB star.

approve all the friend requests u have even though the profile name sounds like "boodak nuckal" and "lisa comey" type and do the favor by adding their friends back to get at least a total of 5438 friends.

act as if u have a bunch of fans in your friend's list. or else, it is advisable to think like all 4573 friends of yours are your die hard stalkers. when you have this with u, then i think u are ready to go.

FB status

change your facebook status every 3 minutes or so. dont let ur FB be a mundane one by flooding it with "barn buddy" or "restaurant city" type of statuses. your fans want to know more about yourself, your life, and what revolves around u, not the goddamm crops u've been working on or missing cows u have found.

u dont know what to update?

its okay, dont crack that little brain of yours. a simple "hye good morning people" would do. u can tweak it accordingly depending upon the time u go "on air" .

act like u are a concerned prime minister in the next minutes asking the health of his taxpayer by simply putting " apekhabar semua org hariniii?????sihat ke x?" in your status update.

tips : remember to address your fans dearly. add a smiley at the end of the sentence to tell them how u feel.

u can also say something that's not worth to mention at all like "bosannnnnnnnnnnyeee" or "..............................." but trust me your dear fan out there are really happy with it. that way they will know that u are currently online and thus can have a FB chat with their idol. if u are single, this is the best time to get hooked up with someone u have been stalking since forever.

relationship status

you are the hottest man or woman on earth no doubt. remember this. due to that u might want to let ur fans know ur current relationship status. u have just dated an osem Mc'd delivery boy last 32 minutes. let the world know. change it to "in a relationship". tell the frustrated pervert (whom u have approved randomly) that u are now taken and have found the love of your life, that you will no longer be able to entertain their lonely little dick.

if u happened to have a fight with your boy, MAKE SURE that ur tittle is no longer "in a relationship" change it to "its complicated". u might be having comments flooding in asking u why this and that. don't get panicked, you are actually on the right track. deal with them wisely. let the comments raised upto hundreds if possible. that will get u noticed way much easier as it will appear on your fan's homepage as their top stories. u will be known among ur new fans in no time.

u might want to change your status back to "single " again just to see how much have been hitting on you, whom also have a pair of undescended testes to make a move. be prepared to have comments like " wow, dah single ke? boleh la tackle ni?" they might have the lamest pickup line u have ever imagined, but don't think too much of that. this is the time to get noticed. tell them u just love the way they flirts and all. this way they will keep commenting on your status and voila, it appears in your friend's homepage again. remember to treat your fans equally and make them feel that all of them have a fair chance to win your heart.

plus point : a face as sexy-bitchy-naughty-me as megan fox's with pamela's bust.

tweak it : add cute giggles like "hikhikhik ^_^" at the end of ur comments to show the true feminine part of yours coz i have never seen a guy dated pengkid.

i think thats all for now. i'm being quite unfair to the other gender i know. but dont worry ,i 'll come up with some more tips for the bloke out there in my next post later.

till then, good luck and have a safe sex everyone.HAHA